For the past two weeks I’ve been abstaining from and avoiding all pornographic, hyper-sexualized, and photoshopped photos and videos of women. Despite the increased internet presence you’ve been seeing from me these days, I’m always practicing being more satisfied and engaged with my immediate reality. Lately I’m finding success in removing all forms of addiction, which we turn to to avoid reality. I wouldn’t call this lady content an addiction for me seeing as I quit cold turkey with zero slip ups or temptation but it took quitting to see the effect even low doses has had on me.


Cultural ideals of good looks were never important to me for myself or my partners. It was a vibe thing. After nearly a decade of exclusive relationships (that ended over two years ago now), I wanted to try something different. I wanted to date women “hotter” than I’d ever been with. At the time I became single again I achieved an increase in fitness (semi-accidentally I might add- I’ve worked out 6 days a week and adjusted my diet for 12 years, I was going to get good at it eventually. learning to breathe deep was actually the tipping point). I started giving half of a shit about getting hair cuts and dressing semi-respectably for the first time, and genuinely dove deep into self-discovery that increased my confidence. I’ve been seen with higher value the last year and a half. 


Here’s what I’ve learned about “hot” through the above experiences. First of all, "hot” is more of a life choice than anything. There are absolutely those among us that are effortlessly closer to our cultural idea of hot than others. I’m not denying that. But that woman on the TV and internet in a lot of cases probably isn’t that aggressively exciting in her natural form. She’s just invested resources in being really good at makeup and hair or having professionals do that work. She keeps a strict diet and exercise routine, spends a lot of money on clothes and makes sure to only be shown in photo and video in her best lighting and angles. Not to mention computer enhancement. That look is obtainable to a huge portion of women, much larger than we acknowledge. If you want to put that work in everyday, then do it and rock it. If you don’t, then do a more natural look and rock it. For guys, being hot is about an attitude that says you have strength, wisdom and humor to offer while not looking like a 6 year old that dressed himself (I messed all that up but the humor portion for a long time). The bar is much lower for men. Yes, there are naturally stunning men and those that put in a lot of work to look great like women, but women naturally assess a man’s value more deeply. 


This may actually be no news at all to you ladies, but us guys don’t know this stuff until we’ve spent enough time around enough “hot” women. This is where it connects back to the beginning about abstaining from and avoiding all pornographic, hyper-sexualized, and photoshopped photos and videos of women. I was surely on the lower end of the spectrum of men consuming this content and just two weeks being away from it has been astonishing. I see so much beauty in “regular” women. I’m much more open to women not my “type” and I'm much more attuned to vibes again. Engaging with femininity is a basic human need for men and seeing sexual images of women tricks our brains into either thinking it is getting some form of that femininity or makes real women seem less appealing. Or both. And they both lead to dissatisfaction.